Sunday night dread

Ahhh, it's Sunday and the dread is setting in already.


I've managed to do my marking, last minute obviously, but there is something sinister about the Sunday horrible feeling that you get. This time though, it feels ten times worse.

Why?

For two whole weeks I have been a mummy again, a pure mummy to a little monkey that I absolutely adore. 

I've realised that I have to go back to the 5.50am starts and the bed cuddles in the morning will stop. I wont be able to feed her like I have been doing and my days will consist of the waking her up so she's cranky, dropping her off and leaving then picking her up at tea time when again she's cranky and then the bedtime routine. I hate the no quality time that I don't have with her. 

So the obvious answer is for me to give up work. 

Unfortunately, I am not in that situation where I can. If I could then I probably would. 

The last thing that has really bothered me over the holidays is the questioning about me going back to work. Usually from people who don't have to or haven't gone back. 

The most common question:

How are you coping?

What do people expect me to say? 

"Well actually I spend my entire work journey in tears and crumble during the day at various intervals whilst trying to get 150 pupils in and out of my door in an orderly manner and leave having learnt something" oh and "I'm absolutely exhausted and not happy that I get the cranky part of the day with my daughter" 

My actual response

"fine"

Seriously though, why do people ask the most ridiculous of questions? What gives them the right to judge my choice in life?

I know people who are currently selling things on ebay to pay for the monthly shop. That's a choice they have made, but it isn't one that I want to make for my family. I am chief money earner at the minute and I'm not spending a month worrying about whether I can buy the food to feed us. Yes, I get the cranky part of the day, but at least I know I can feed and clothe my family. 

So the Sunday dread and crankiness is a price I pay for security and a roof over my head. Some say i'm selfish, I just happen to believe I'm realistic.