Wednesday, 15 January 2014

The dreaded lurgy

I'm ill. I feel shocking and my body is aching. In the past I would have forced myself to go into work and got through the week on flu plus and managed to keep myself going on pure determination. 

Today, I was different. I'll spare the details but it was a 3am bathroom trip that involved coughing and sick when I realised I wasn't helping myself if I chose to go into work. I pride myself on being reliable and conscious that a day off can have an impact on some of my students. However, this is different. I am genuinely ill, I make the decision to go in and i'm still going to be ill. The only difference now is my little girl. I know that next week or next month no-one will remember whether I was off sick or whether I was in work. I also know that if I went in work then I'd come home and go straight to be because I'd be exhausted. And that was my decision made. I might miss out on her days, but I sure as hell am not going to miss out on the nights with her too. I lose so much precious time with her when i'm well and I couldn't, not for all the reliability in the world, lose anymore when I can avoid it. 

So I phoned in sick, and today I've lived with the guilt of no longer soldiering on. It's a small price to pay though for having an hour with my daughter without being too exhausted just to hold her. I also know the guilt of not having that time would far outweigh anything else. 

They said my priorities would change once I had a baby to look after, I didn't realise that my whole perspective on life has changed. I wont have martyr on my headstone when I'm gone, but I'm hoping I'll have 'much loved mum' in its place. 

1 comment:

  1. I always went in to work even when I felt horrendous, but I think now I would do exactly the same as you. As you say, nobody will ever remember the one day you had off. And there are people who really take the piss with days off, so when you are actually sick, it's ok to stay home :) x